Stankball 101
by Superhero Anonymous
Summary: So, you wanna get in on Jump City's hottest new game? Well, there's a few things you need to know first...
**Stankball 101**

"Alright, heads or tails?"

"Heads."

"…you called tails, right?"

Rule #1: No powers or gadgets. That gives some people an unfair advantage!

He was never gonna find him here.

To the casual eye, it was just another empty hallway in Titan Tower. On one side, an unremarkable steel wall stretched the length of the room, occasionally decorated with a strategically-placed potted plant or a framed newspaper clipping detailing the latest of the team's heroic exploits. On the other, a broad (and slightly dirty) window displayed a full panoramic view of the beautiful city abroad, in all of its afternoon glory.

Yep, nothing to see here. Nothin' out of the ordinary.

In the distance, the familiar 'clunk-clunk' of a robotic teen's footsteps could be heard pattering about. Even without his heightened senses, it wasn't all that difficult to notice _that_ guy. He was about as subtle as a freight train…and just as loud too.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are…" a voice teased.

Pfft. Like _that_ was ever gonna happen; this spot was too good.

He stretched out his legs, feeling slightly cramped from sitting still for so long. This was getting kinda boring. Maybe he should've brought a video game to pass the time…no, wait. The noise would've definitely brought bucket head over here in a jiffy. Use headphones? Nah…he didn't have ears. Speaking of which, he was a little too small to reach all of the buttons anyways…

The footsteps grew louder, signaling the metal man's approach. Clunk…clunk…clunk…

Meh, nothing to worry about. He had to come by _sometime_ today.

Clunk, clunk, clunk…

From the corner of his eyes, he spotted him rounding the corner of the hallway, taking slow, methodical steps. One arm was held out in front of him, blinking lights pulsing in rhythm; the other arm held…the ball.

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

He can't see me…he can't see me. There's no way.

Clunk. Clunk. CLUNK.

The titan suddenly made a full stop…right in front of his terrified eyes.

He held his breath, trying to make as little noise as possible. It shouldn't matter though; he was a tiny green speck, hiding on a tiny green leaf. Really…it was just a coincidence that he happened to stop right next to the fourth plant from the end of the hallway. No reason to be afraid.

And yet…the robotic teen continued to stand there, diligently consulting his digital arm readout. Then slowly, a small grin began to form on his face.

"The itsy bitsy spider, ran up the water spout…" came a mocking singsong voice.

No. Way. He was…just kidding around…right?

"Down came the rain," he continued, reaching for the sprinklers on the ceiling.

Oh crud.

"And WASHED THE SPIDER OUT!"

Splash!

The green changeling emerged from his hiding place, shifting back into his human form, now soaking wet from the torrent of rain. Lying prone on the ground, he coughed up water out of his lungs.

Cyborg towered over the younger boy, an evil smile plastered all over his face. He pointed to his blinking forearm.

"Heartbeat sensor, grass stain. You can run, but ya can't hide from me!" he smirked, waggling his finger. He then took careful aim. "You know what comes next, don'tcha?"

Beast Boy could only sputter weakly in response.

Totally not fair.

Rule #2: This game is to be played between only two people. That is, one on one. Mano y mano. Nobody else.

A large half-robot knelt not so secretively behind the common room couch. His breath was calm and steady, while his eyes constantly scanned the room for his green opponent.

Sure, it wasn't a great hiding spot, but that wasn't the point. Unlike the lovable idiot, Cyborg had a backup plan: two couch cushions, ready to fend off any 'stanky' assault.

"Alright, green bean, come and get me…" he muttered. He was ready for anything…

…except for the sudden tap on his shoulder.

"Excuse me?"

"AHHHH!" Cyborg yelled, spinning around in shock, fluffy shields at the ready.

A familiar alien princess giggled. "Please, friend Cyborg, there is no need to be afraid!"

Cyborg relaxed at the sight of his friend. "Oh hey Star!" he replied, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Greetings," Starfire responded, her hands held demurely behind her back. "May I ask why you are doing the hiding behind the couch?"

"Oh, I'm just playin' Stankball with BB," he explained. "It's his turn to have the ball, so I'm waitin' for him to come around this way."

"Is that so?" she mused. "Then I must warn you; friend Beast Boy is close."

Cyborg smiled. "Thanks for the heads up, Star!" He clapped the two cushions together. "I'm ready for him!"

Strangely, she frowned at him. "Apologies, friend Cyborg, but I do not believe you are the ready."

"Aw, don't worry about me," he replied, turning around in anticipation of his foe. "With these babies, Beast Boy couldn't hit me if he tried."

"Perhaps not…but I can."

Cyborg turned back in confusion. "Wait, what?"

WHAM!

With inhuman strength, the alien princess pummeled the cybernetic teen straight in the chest with the game ball. Direct hit.

A green fly, previously observing the exchange from her shoulder, flew to her side and morphed back into a familiar changeling, sporting a goofy smile.

"Hahaha! Eat that, tin can!" Beast Boy gloated over Cyborg's supine body. He then turned to his ally. "Thanks, Star! That was a nice shot!"

"I welcome you, friend Beast Boy!" Starfire replied, grinning sweetly. She then glanced down at the still unconscious half-robot with a worried expression. "But do you think friend Cyborg will be the alright? He does not look well!"

Beast Boy studied his best friend. His human eye was closed, and his robotic one was completely blacked out. No immediate signs of damage to his outer metallic skin, but the floor around him…well, _that_ was a different story. In fact, from where he was standing, it looked a lot like an impact crater from a fallen meteorite…

"Nah, he'll be fine!" he dismissed with a wave of his hand. "Nothin' a few band-aids and some aspirin can't fix!"

#3: Do _not_ mess with the referee. Seriously.

"Raven! Give it back!"

Beast Boy desperately jumped into the air, trying to grab the floating ball held aloft magically just beyond his reach by a particularly annoyed violet-haired mystic.

"No." Raven continued to read her book, attempting to ignore the antics of the green changeling next to her.

"But Cyborg is gonna come by here soon for lunch, and I gotta score another point!"

"No."

"Pleeease? I promise not to make too much noise!"

Yet still she refused to yield. "No. Go find something else to do," she replied, casually flipping to another page.

Beast Boy grumbled to himself. Of course, the fun police _had_ to be here, and ruin his perfect chance to catch Cyborg off-guard. Raven, a.k.a. Miss Anti-Stankball, Anti-Video Games, Anti-TV…

Wait, an idea. He smiled to himself. Time to break out the secret weapon…

"Welp, I didn't wanna have to do this Rae, but you leave me no choice!"

Moments later, a tiny green kitten crawled onto Raven's lap, nuzzling its soft furry face affectionately against her stomach. It mewed quietly.

 _That_ got her attention.

"Beast Boy!" she exclaimed indignantly, coloring slightly. " _What_ in Azar's name are you doing?!"

Ignoring her, he continued with his feline charms, rolling onto his back. Looking directly into her eyes, he gazed at her pleadingly with shining white pearls of innocence.

Nobody could resist _the look_.

In a heartbeat, Beast Boy found himself immediately encased in a black aura of power. And with merely a wave of her hand, he was sent flying across the room, colliding headfirst into a trash can. Empty soda cans and day-old food waste spilled all over his body in a landslide.

Well…apparently, Raven could.

Moments later, Cyborg appeared, racing into the common room to investigate the commotion.

"All right, Raven!" he cheered, spotting the unfortunate green shape-shifter. He rushed over to her, intent on grabbing the ball. "Now lemme finish him off with a nice little present to the face, and—"

But he never got to finish his sentence, as he too found himself on the receiving end of the resident half-demon's wrath; gouged into the nearest wall, upside-down.

With characteristic nonchalance, Raven strode towards the exit with her book in tow. She calmly dropped the odorous ball onto Cyborg's dazed expression.

"You're both ejected, on account of overwhelming immaturity."

#4. Missions, or anything work related, are official timeouts. The job comes first!

The air was tense in the training room as the two heroes slowly circled each other, wary of any sudden moves. No powers, no weapons; just one man against another in single combat.

"C'mon, Boy Blunder," Cyborg taunted. "Ya just gonna sit there and stare at me all day, or are you gonna fight?"

The masked hero smiled wryly. "Ladies first."

Neither rose to the verbal jibes. There was more at stake here than simply winning the match; this was about establishing dominance. Only the strongest, the craftiest, the most skilled among them would emerge victorious. Which one really deserved to be called the leader?

Cyborg's fingers itched in anticipation. Never before had he bested Robin in an unarmed duel, but there was always a first time for everything. Besides…he had a good feeling about today.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a figure lurking in the shadows of the far corner of the training room. A spectator, soon to be unwelcome intruder. And perhaps, an advantage…

"You won't know what hit ya this time, bird brain!" Cyborg taunted again.

"Au contraire, _Victor_ ," Robin smirked. "I know everything about you. Including how you fight."

Cyborg continued circling, sizing up his opponent. While the Boy Wonder could be irritatingly cocky at times, unfortunately, he was right; Robin had every angle covered, every tendency memorized, every move predicted.

Time to introduce a third variable.

Cyborg steadily maneuvered himself, keeping Robin in front of him at all times…until his own back was directly facing the hidden occupant.

"Last chance, Robin," he called out. "And then you're goin' down!"

Robin beckoned his opponent with a motion of his hand. "Bring it."

A few seconds passed by, as Robin watched Cyborg closely for any signs of his next move. But the half-robot simply stood there, his head slightly cocked to the side. As if he was listening for something…

What happened next, not even _he_ could have predicted. In the span of a few seconds, Cyborg quickly dodged to the side, giving way to an incoming projectile that smacked the poor teen right in the face.

And boy, was it _stanky_!

"Thanks for the assist, B!" Cyborg called out gleefully, giving the room's third occupant a thumbs-up.

"Uhhh…you're welcome?" Beast Boy replied, confused at how he had totally missed that easy shot.

Cyborg then motioned towards the fallen Titan. "Now, have fun explaining why you just attacked our leader in the middle of a 'very serious' training session!" he teased, skipping out of the room before Robin came to his senses.

The young changeling gulped. Double chore duty, for sure.

Rule #5:

"Um, what should we put next, Cy?" the young changeling wondered. This list of rules was harder to make than he thought.

The half-robot thought for a moment. "Hmm…how about 'have fun'?"

Beast Boy looked at his friend incredulously. "'Have fun'? What kind of a rule is _that_?"

"Well, I mean, this is a game, you know…you should be having fun while playing Stankball!"

"Well duh, but having fun is not a rule! It's more like a suggestion."

"Yeah well, what about #3, dude?" Cyborg pointed out. "That's not a rule either."

"So? Would _you_ mess with Raven?" Beast Boy countered.

"No."

"See, there ya go. If everyone is following it, then it must be a rule!" Beast Boy leaned back in his chair with a smug grin on his face, proud of his line of reasoning.

Cyborg folded his arms, unimpressed. "What, so you're saying not everyone is having fun while playing?"

"Not when you're cheating, tin man!" the young Titan pouted.

"Hey, using my built-in sensors is totally fair, Mr. I-Can-Change-Into-Any-Animal!" Cyborg retorted. "Besides, how can I cheat if we didn't even have these rules beforehand to break?"

"Well…" Beast Boy paused, struggling to come up with a decent comeback. "…we do now, so that makes you a cheater!"

"What!? That doesn't even make any sense!" Cyborg shoved his green friend. "Move over, I'm gonna write the rest of the rules so they aren't so dumb."

"Hey! Are you calling me stupid?!"

"Sure am, tofu-for-brains!"

Beast Boy growled. "Oh yea, I'll show _you_ stupid!" he yelled, pouncing on his metal friend with sharpened tiger claws.

And thus, the once peaceful delegation of two dissolved into complete and utter chaos. Meanwhile, three teenaged spectators looked on with varying levels of concern.

"Friends, should we not intervene? What if they harm themselves?" exclaimed the Tameranean princess.

"Nah, it's okay Star," the Boy Wonder replied with a casual wave of his hand. "This is just something that brothers normally do."

The violet-haired empath snorted. "More like childish idiots." Picking up the discarded piece of paper, she scanned it briefly before penciling in one last rule.

Rule #5: Never play 'Stankball'. Ever.


End file.
